Hindi Ako Imbitado sa Sarili kong Piging

*unang beses kong susulat ng pyesa na medyo pang-spoken word. Sinulat ko ito para sa bespren kong si Alea na magdidiwang ng birthday at may pa-event na nalalaman, so ayun magpeperform ako (pwede kayo pumunta, mag-iwan ng mensahe for details). Ito ay mga pinagtagpi-tagpi kong mga usapan namin, dedicated sa kanyang magiging asawang si Zion.*

Nakatitiyak akong hindi kita hinanap,
At lalong sigurado akong hindi mo ako hinalughog,
Na parang nahulog na singsing,
Sa lumpon ng sukal ng mga dahon,
Bagkus ay dinatnan natin ang isa't-isa,
Nagtagpo ngunit hindi pinakay na nagkita,
Gaya ng paghalik ng antok,
Sa tuwing magkukubli sa kumot,
Tulad ng isang along marahang gumagapang,
Sa mukha ng karagatan,
Hanggang sa marating nito ang dalampasigan,
Kaya't ika'y kagyat kong inanyayahan,
Maligayang pagdating!
Pinakapipitagan at kaisa-isa kong panauhin,

Sana'y matutunan mong mahalin,
Ang mga buhulbuhol kong mga palamuti,
Hindi ko naman sila sinadyang pagbuhulbuholin,
Ang totoo'y marahan ko naman silang hinabi,
Ngunit ang buhay ko ay unos,
At ang isip ko ay ipu-ipo,
Mabuti't mahigpit ko silang naitali,

Sana'y matutunan mong mahalin,
Ang kakarampot na aking ihahain,
Matagal ko silang inipon at sinaing,
At matagal ko ding pinagdudahan kung sa kanila'y mayroon pang papansin,
Maraming paso at tilamsik ang aking tiniis,
At kahit alam kong ito na lamang ang mayroon ako,
Ihahain ko ang lahat at walang ititira o itatago mula sayo,

Sana'y matutunan mong mahalin,
Ang maugong na musika at makaluskos na mga plaka,
Alam kong medyo may kalumaan na at baka sila'y napaglipasan na,
Ngunit ang musikang ito ang tangi kong kumot sa malamig na gabi,
Masaya akong sa iyo ko sila ibabahagi,
At sabay nating damhin ang init ng kanilang saliw,

Sana'y matutunan mong mahalin,
Ang panandaliang mga katahimikan,
At pabugsobugsong mga kalampagan,
Dahil ako ay karagatan,
Tahimik at malawak,
Ngunit minsa'y nagkakanlong ako ng mga delubyo,
At galit na naghuhulma ng mga isla,

Sana'y kayanin mong manatili,
Dahil handa ko ring ipamalas sa iyo ang ganda ng takipsilim,
At ang silahis ng araw sa bukang liwayway,

Sana lamang ay iyong tandaan,
Sa iyong pagdalo sa aking pagdiriwang,
Hindi ko naman hinihiling na ako'y itulad sa mga santo o santa,
Na ilalagay sa pedestal at sasabitan ng talulot ng sampaguita,
Ang nais ko sana'y sabay tayong lumikha ng hardin,
At sabay nating abangan ang pamumukadkad ng ating mga tanim,
Hindi ko naman nais na ako'y gawan ng mga kanta,
O sambitan ng mga nagliliyagang tula,
Ang nais ko ay hawakan mo ang kamay ko nang mahigpit,
Upang masiguro kong ika'y nasa aking tabi,
Dahil sapat nang musika ang ako'y nasa iyong piling,

Sana'y ika'y manatili,
Sana'y mahalin mo ang buhulbuhol kong mga palamuti,
Sana'y mahalin mo ang kakarampot kong ihahain,
At sana'y may pang-unawa ka sa musikang napaglumaan,
Sapagkat matagal na akong nagnanais na magdiwang,
At marahil sa unang pagkakatao'y hindi na maulit,
Na hindi ako imbitado sa sarili kong piging.

There is Magic in Literature

There is magic in literature,

And in the way words can dance,

That no matter how definitive,

And precisely their meanings are dissected,

Or what their etymology may dictate,

Much like the way your eyes,

Feel like a nebula,

Birthing new constellations,

Words, at times, 

Manage to capture infinity,

In its own finite space,

There is magic in literature,

Much like how a book,

Can have only a single author,

But somehow have it a hundred,

Or even a million ways interpreted,

Almost as if it mimics the way,

I find your lips,

In the spaces between the ocean waves,

Or how i almost hear your voice,

In the warmth of every sunset rays,

There is magic in literature,

Like how they teach you at school,

Different figures of speech,

And have you remember their meanings,

And make you list their origins,

Metaphors, synecdoches,

Hyperboles and similes,

But then you discover later on, 

Like a signature dish or potion,

How words magically fit,

With a single twist or whiff,

Like how in some way,

You feel like a poem,

Or how the thought of you,

Turns that poem into a song,

And no matter what meaning,

Webster or the Merriams say they have,

Words know no limits nor bounds,

Even when sewn together,

Or even held down on paper,

With an exact number of syllables,

And tied down methodically,

Into whichever literary structure,

They can have a different scent,

In each and every time you read them,

Like how I find it ineffable and awe-inspiring,

The way some words,

Do not phonetically have the same sound,

But still manage to rhyme,

Like your name and my heartbeat.

She Did Not Dance Like No One Watched

No, she did not dance like no one watched,

The stage was hers,

And she danced like it was hers alone,

Not hers for the taking,

She did not dance to prove she could,

The stage was hers,

And she danced like it was her only refuge,

The stage was hers,

And she danced like the stage was her world,

and the rest were only visitors,

She danced like she was the only one the crowd went to see,

No, she did not dance like no one watched,

The stage was hers,

And she danced as if dance was her lover,

As though she had not seen him for years,

And the precision of her movements,

Was her fingers sifting through his every inch,

Trying to figure out if he was still how she remembered him,

The stage was hers

And she danced as if dance were a cloud,

Gracefully gliding through the sky,

Nurturing droplets and vapors on flight,

And at the right moment,

She unleashes a plethora of movements,

As if she were a storm and they were rain,

No, she did not dance like no one watched,

The stage was hers,

And there I was, awestruck,

Watching as though I was the only spectator,

The stage was hers, 

And as her hair flailed and danced with her,

I was caught within the strands,

It was not her grace that was intoxicating,

It was the angst,

It was the rage and fervor in her movements,

As though she was a poet,

And her dance was her poem,

And her every movement were metaphors,

No, she did not dance like no one watched,

The stage was hers,

And at that moment,

I was on my feet,

Wishing my heart was her stage,

Because she danced like the stage was hers.

Slowly, Yet All at Once

I have not climbed the highest mountain,

Or flew above the most beautiful plains,

And sailed across the vast seas,

Or survived dangerous valleys,

But if your hand and mine would fit,

Then you are the adventure I'd want to keep,

For when i see you,

Or be within your arms' reach,

I feel all these things.

With a single glance,

Slowly, yet all at once,

The grandeur of the sun piercing at daybreak,

The serenity of the most pristine lakes,

The majesty of a rainbow-tainted waterfall,

A plethora of flowers on free fall,

Found my way through a forest's labyrinth,

Dove through the most majestic coral reefs,

Discovered 10,000 species of flora and fauna,

Derived all equations to all mathematical dilemma,

Now I need not be an astronaut in a space station,

Your eyes feel like a thousand constellations,

And just now, I applaud Einstein's Theory of Relativity,

It has not been any truer than when I'm with thee,

And though at times,

You feel like an ocean,

Graceful yet mighty,

Sculpting artworks out of islands,

Serene yet capable of nurturing a storm,

And your vastness,

Seem daunting to conquer,

It is in those times i'm reminded,

That the most beautiful sunsets,

And sunrise,

Are cradled in your horizon.

And all these things i feel,

A bird's eye view of the world so clear,

With just a single glance,

Slowly, yet all at once.

2014

Mahirap maging Mahirap

Mahirap maging mahirap,

Dahil ang gutom lagi mong kausap,

Ang kape na dati'y tanging inumin,

Ngayo'y tambal na ng bahaw at pwede nang ulamin,

At ang katambal na pan de sal,

Iuunat hanggang kinabukasang almusal,

At sa aming hapag ay ang panis na ulam,

Pinakuluan, pinaghalo, ginisa, binetsinan,

Nang makita ng dokumentarista,

Pinag-anihan ng gantimpala,

Pinamanhid at sinanay sa aming kalagayan ang madla,

Oo, mahirap maging mahirap,

Dahil kailangang higpitan ng malaon,

Ang nakasakal na sinturon,

Ngunit sa aming mahirap,

Madaling humugot ng dahilan,

Madali ang magngitngit sa gahaman,

Dahil wala kaming pag-aari kundi ang aming lakas,

Wala kaming ibang patutunguhan,

Kundi ang lupaing sa aming puntod pagtitirikan,

Kaya't isa lang ang tatahaking landas,

Pagka't ito lamang ang sa kahirapa'y magwawakas,

Oo, kami ay mahirap,

At nasa amin ang lahat ng dahilan,

Para ipagtagumpay ang digmaan.

2011

Huwag mong ikahon ang pag-ibig

Ang pag-ibig ay isang simula at isa ring katapusan,
Isang orkestra ng kapayapaan,
Na sinasaliwan ng isang madugong digmaan,
Isang pook-tagpuan ng walang hanggan at ng mga hangganan,
Ito'y kalayaan at bilangguan,
Kung saan ang ibig sabihin ng kasiguraduhan,
Ay ang pagyakap sa mga katanungang walang tiyak na kasagutan,

Ang pag-ibig ay isang pagtatanghal ng mga "OO" at ng mga "HINDI",
Isang pagtatagpo ng mga maagap at ng mga nahuhuli,
Ito'y gaya ng liwanag at dilim,
Ng lamig at init,
At ng tamis at pait,
Ito'y kinukumpleto ng sarili nitong pag-iral,
Kaya't ito'y tulad ng maraming bagay,
At walang katulad na anumang bagay,

Ang ibig ko lamang sabihin,
Ay huwag magkamaling ikahon ang pag-ibig,
Dahil ikaw ma'y nakakahon din,
Alipin ng oras at kasaysayan,
Ng hangganan ng sariling pag-iisip at kamalayan.

Huwag mong ikahon ang pag-ibig,
Huwag mo itong isipan ng angkop na kataga o mga lebel at baitang,
Ng tamang edad o ng kung anong kasarian,
Kung anong anyo, hugis at pagkakakilalan,
Hayaan mong ang pag-ibig,
Ay maging tulad ng tubig,
Dumadaloy,
Nahuhulma,
Nababago ang estado,
May sariling lakas ngunit alam umindak sa himig pagbabago.

Magmahal ka nang walang pag-iimbot at pagtatangi,
Nang walang hinaharap
At nang walang nakaraan,
Nang walang pinipiling anyo at paraan.

At kung ang lipunan ang sa pag-ibig mo'y hahatol,
Hayaan yaring pag-ibig ang sa kamay mo'y magkuyom,
At mag-anak ng bagong panahon,
Isang bagong lipunang mapagpalaya at walang mga kahon.

You remind me of mountains

You remind me of mountains,
The serenity and silence,
Is your awkward quiet,
And the soft whiff of the wind,
Is your voice that is almost a whisper,
That every time you speak,
I had to lean in,
I wanted to lean in,
So i can feel the undulations,
In each word you utter,
The falling leaves and twigs,
Are the very small movements,
Of the muscles on your face,
As you make expressions,
Or maybe those same movements,
Were made to hide your emotions,
The weird crinkle on your nose,
I have never seen before,
And the wrinkle on your forehead,
You made when i was staring,
Is the mild cold breeze,
During a sunny climb,
It passes, but is something,
That is worth longing for,

You remind me of the mountains,
The undeniable resplendence,
As I inch even closer,
Becoming more evidently beautiful,
With every step and every turn,
And in the flesh, grander,
You look better in person,
Because just like the mountains,
A photo can't capture something infinite,
And as I go up its earthen path,
Rocks and boulders,
Roots and trees and muddy trails,
Have come to welcome me,
It reminded me of how,
Out of breath i was,
When i realized you were exactly,
How i dreamt you'd be,
Simple, yet complicated where it mattered,
You were raw,
You wear no make-ups,
You always choose to be defined by you,
And what you do,
And just like the mountains,
You will still be a mountain,
No matter how hard they say your path is,
No matter how many people had passed you by,
No matter even if they say your peak is not worth the trek,
No matter how much they complain,
Of how complicated your trails are,
You will still be a mountain,
Standing tall with all its majesty,

You remind me of the mountains,
How you like to go hard or go home,
And at times how violent you become,
Or want to become,
Or how quick you are to anger,
Or how you like to argue,
Especially if you have a point,
Just like climbing a mountain,
It is not for the faint hearted,
You either want to reach the peak,
Or not climb at all,
You can't decide halfway,
Because then it would be a waste,
And it even gets harder,
The more one complains,
The more one thinks about the path ahead,
It only gets steeper,
It only gets higher,
The air only gets thinner,
But it is also what makes up the mountains,
It is what you yearn for,
Not just the view,
It is the trek,
The catching of breath,
The soreness on the legs,
The violence of the hike.

They always told me that you were not possible,
That you did not exist,
You were once my unicorn,
But as science would put it,
You are an anomaly,
And to have known you and met you,
Was and will always be a privilege,
And as mountaineers have said,
"Climb mountains not so,
the world can see you,
But so you can see the world."
Yes, i want to see the world with you,
Because I've climbed mountains,
And reached their peaks,
But none compares to the elation you take me.

Your eyes, they still haunt me

Have you ever been left alone on the beach, 

Bare-footed with your toes half-buried in the sand,

On fine sand as soft as powder or maybe even like ash?

I have.

That gentle whiff of wind caressing your sun-burnt skin,

And mildly combing your hair as it sifts through,

The tiny spaces between each strand, stroking young scalp,

That calming chaotic melody of the almost rhythmic waves,

As they alternately kiss the sands until they reach your toes.

Have you ever found yourself alone staring westward,

As the day is getting ready to take a bow,

And witnessed the sun as it gracefully concedes to the darkness?

I have.

That majestic plethora of what seems like a million shades of orange,

As it slowly subdues the sky's blue with every minute's passing,

Bouncing from one cloud to another, 

Magically turning the sky into its own canvass with each stroke of light,

As the sun eventually drowns into the horizon.

Have you ever climb a mountain at dawn,

Reaching the summit during the night's deepest slumber,

Unconsciously being seduced by the stark darkness?

I have.

That gripping feeling as the almost star-dust splattered sky,

Holds your eyes prisoner to its awe-inspiring grandeur,

As you realize,the lights traveled light years to converge in one single sky,

All doubts on why mankind so much tries to explore the galaxies fade,

Because, after all, aren't we all drawn to beauty with a dash of mystery?

Time flew and years passed,

But that moment I saw them,

I was taken aback, 

They are exactly how I remembered them,

Yes, your eyes, they still haunt me.